Last week I had a trip to the capital city of Italy, Rome. I traveled with my boyfriend, who wanted to celebrate his 26th birthday in this beautiful historical city. We started our trip in Slovenia, so we had about 8 hours driving ahead. We also got lucky about the weather, since this was the first weekend after a long time that was nice, warm and sunny.
First thing I saw when we arrived were prostitutes. Ok, I know what you must think but I did found it very fascinating. Let me explain why. Women in our country doesn’t just stand on the road middle of the night, we can see this only in movies. It was also cold, we are in the middle of December and they can pull off hot pants. If my mother saw this, she would definitely told them to keep their kidneys warm, maybe even bring them a blanket or two! As I said, just fascinating, hahah.
Traffic in Rome is exactly how they say it is – very stressful. They just drive around like blind maniacs, not kidding. There was not a single car that wouldn’t be scratched or bumped. We were not surprised we were only tourist with our own car, seriously. We bought a car last year and I honestly think we were very lucky, that we managed without any incidents. I don’t have a drivers license, so all the credits go to my boyfriend actually. Me and Siri just navigate him, so lucky that he had us!
We rented a room just a couple of minutes away from Piazza de Re di Roma. Location was awesome, it was not too expensive and the metro was just down the corner. We spent about 55€ for two nights, which is kind of cheap for Italy. I also have to mention that we didn’t have hot water, so we screamed every time we showered. Nice, huh? You get what you pay for, I guess. Anyway, the room was cozy and the colors gave it a nice touch. I liked it.
On the first day we went to see the famous Colloseum and Roman Forum. I noticed prices are different there then online. It was way more cheaper, I didn’t expect that. Good thing is, that if you make a reservation online you don’t have to wait in line to buy tickets. It wasn’t really a lot of people, because it’s not a peek of a season , so we didn’t have to wait long. By the way, I would rather stay in line for an hour and took pictures of Colloseum while waiting, than pay twice as much. I never have time for pictures anyway, since my boyfriend doesn’t understand how important it is to snap everything what comes into your way. Sorry, not sorry!
And how did I manage with my disorder? Pretty good, I would say. A couple of months from now I couldn’t even be able to go this far with a car, because I would be to afraid of what might happen. And I survived metro stations, even though they were always crowded at mornings. Everything was perfect, except that I had a little breakdown when I was alone in the big city, full of unknown people. We got hungry and stopped at the first restaurant we saw. I was tired from walking in high heels all day (remind me next time that I should listen to my boyfriend more often) and I ran out of cigarettes, so I was a bit tense. We ordered meals and he told me that he would go and find a tobacco store. Fine. Deep inside I started to panic when I heard him, but still told him to go, only if I can call him and we would talk all the time he was gone. He laughed and said not to worry, that he will be right back. My stomach started to hurt and my heart was louder than usual. Ok, I’ve been there I said to myself. Breathe! Just breathe and don’t think about it. I decided to call him, just to make sure he’s alright and I knew this would definitely calm me down. I dialed his number, no answer. That’s when it hit me. All the noises from the street were so loud all the suddenly. I tried to call again, still no answer. Tears started running down my face. It was worse every second so I grabbed my purse and took my happy pill. Wasn’t proud of it. Every time I have to help myself in that way, for a second I feel like a failure. Maybe, just maybe I would have to wait a little longer and get through it, like I did before. But on a second thought, when I didn’t have sedatives, I have to do it all by myself and I got so tired after that, I couldn’t do anything, because I had no energy left. Did I really want to stay in bed all day in Rome? So I told myself it’s not that big of a deal at all. I was trying for 5 years in a row and what did I get? Did it get better? Could I do it all by myself? No, I truly couldn’t. Baby steps. It is okay! And the same goes for anyone who can relate to this. If you are not abusing it, it will help you. Sometimes we just need a little push, to get over it. If it would be easy, it wouldn’t be called disorder.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying this is the only way. But I seriously have no energy left to go through such a pain again and this is what works for me. I understand this will not cure me, but it helps me to get better and work on myself – and that counts.
If I gather all those thoughts together, Rome was great. I loved the city and I found out my “annoying friend” is still with me. This was a first panic attack after three months, so I think the other part of me was just a reminder, I am not doing something right again and gave me a chance I work on it a bit harder.
Till next time,